Little C is 16 ½ months old, precious, smart, and has a tendency to lay out on the floor when she doesn’t get what she wants. She drops to her knees and falls prostrate like she’s praying.
When this first began, we just ignored it. We would walk away from her, let her finish, and then continue on with life. We’ve tried picking her up and holding her upright until she will stand again, and then distracting her with something else. Lately, we’ve been taking her to her bed when she’s having a temper fit, but we’ve since decided that is more like a reward to her. In her bed she’s got 4 or 5 pacifiers and her Lovie. When she calms down and stops crying, one of us will go and get her. We did that last night and as soon as we got her out, she broke into another fit! We were at a loss on what to do next!
I know this is part of growing up, but I also know that we need to assert ourselves as “boss.” We’ve thought about creating a time out chair (or spot or mat…) to just be a place where we can put her when she has a fit. Is this a silly idea?
Here is the question…How have you nipped the temper fit issue?
*Disclaimer* We LOVE Little C like crazy, and we want to do what is best for her. I know most of you know that, but I had to put it in here just in case!
oooooo girl! boy have we been going through this lately!!! i think C is at a great age to start time outs in a corner. it is amazing how quickly they will catch on! after 1-2 days of being extremely consistent...my kiddies will sit in time out. (you can use an egg timer--set at 1 min-----a minute for how old they are)
ReplyDeletebefore we had enough self control for the corner, we would put them in their crib until they settled down. if C isn't crying or upset when you put her in her crib and walk away...then yah, she probably feels rewarded.
this is just what has worked for the steecies lately...i just did a post about how our sweet, precious, angel babies somehow turned into monsters overnight! lol. gotta love their quest for independence!
hugs,
suz
Hey Corrie! We use time-out in our house... and it seems to work rather well. Our time-out spot is typically on the rug inside the front door. The parameters are that he has to stay on the rug, either sitting or standing with no toys or anything he might find entertaining. I have a kitchen timer on a shelf nearby and his time-outs last 1 minute. If he decides to move off the rug, we take him back, sit him down and re-start the timer. We try to keep the rules simple in that he gets time-out for disobeying, for throwing fits and maybe one or two other things (like playing in the dog's bowls).
ReplyDeleteHe always gets a warning first. (Ex:When he starts to throw a fit..."Trevor, we do not throw fits. If you throw a fit, you go to time-out." Then give him a second to make the right (or wrong) choice). At the end of his time-out, we tell him "you went to time-out because you threw a fit. We do not throw fits." Tell mommy "i'm sorry" (he can't say I'm sorry yet, but nods his head and mutters something close) we then give hugs, and he goes about his business. Sometimes, he goes right back into his fit... and we start over with another time out.
I should have prefaced this with...who knows if we're even close to doing it right?! But it seems to be working for now. He's generally a happy little guy and doesn't try us too often. Hope it helps!
from dr. sears:
ReplyDelete6. Get in "phase" with your child
Developing children take two steps forward and one step backward. In each stage of development, they bounce back and forth from equilibrium to disequilibrium. While they're stepping forward into uncharted territory, finding new friends, trying new things, expect discipline problems due to the anxiety that tags along with experimenting. In each stage, expect the calm to come after the storm. The same child who spent two months in a snit may act like an angel for the next three. This developmental quirk can work to the child's advantage and yours. Spot which phase your child is in. If he's trying to move away and grow up a bit, let out the line. During this phase, your child may seem distant from you; she may even answer back and defy you. Don't take this personally. This phase will soon pass. The child is just in the "do it myself" phase and needs some space and coaching (including correcting) from the sidelines.
One day soon, as sure as sunrise follows nightfall, you'll find your child snuggling next to you on the couch asking for help with tasks and suggesting activities you can do together. You may even wake up one morning and discover your six-year-old nestled next to you in bed. This child is now in a reconnecting phase, a pit stop in the developmental journey when your child needs emotional refueling.
When parents and child are out of harmony, discipline problems multiply. If your child is trying to break away when you are trying to bond, you are likely to overreact to what may be normal behaviors of independence. If you are too busy while your child is in the reconnecting phase, you miss a window of opportunity to strengthen your positions as comforter, adviser, authority figure, and disciplinarian.
Hey! This is about the time James started, too! I laughed inside when you asked how to "nip" the temper tantrums. This will probably be an on-going/on and off problem for the next couple of years! :) It is hard to know, though, what to do at that age. We used to put James in his crib for time out at that age. It would work sometimes and sometime wouldn't, but be consistent and eventually it will pay off! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't have a child, as you know, but I have plenty of experience with this through cousins, nephews, friends' kids and such.
ReplyDeleteIn my OPINION, the time-out "area" is ideal if it is somewhere there is absolutely no other entertainment, so that C understands she is being put there because of her temper tantrum. This could be a piece of carpet set in a certain corner or area, or a certain spot on the couch or whatever.
Another thing I think is important is to always set an amount of time she is there, and not just let her come out of time out because she has stopped crying and has settled down. The reason I say this is because I've seen kids figure out that they can throw a fit, be put in the corner, dry it up, and then get out of the corner just as quickly...all because they've figured out that as soon as they stop crying or have calmed down, they get out of time out. So, there's no deterrent to throwing a fit. I remember my mom putting us in time out and after we were calmed down, I would beg to get up and she would say, "no, you have 3 more minutes before your time is up, so you need to sit and wait until then." I hated it, but I sure didn't want to be in time out because I knew, no matter what, I would have to stay a set amount of time and I did NOT like sitting still and watching everyone else go about their business.
Anyway, take it or leave it, I just had to give my two cents.
Great thoughts, friends. Thanks for your input! R and I will chat about your ideas later since we want to present a united front in dealing with this issue! Y'all are the coolest!!
ReplyDeleteLet me know when you figure out a solution!!! I'd love to have one too.
ReplyDeleteHow's the swing coming along? Just dying to come take a look!