Today was a hard day. Not complaining. Just documenting. I had all three children at home all day by myself. That in and of itself isn't a HUGE deal. BUT Chase had an insatiable hunger all day and was only content when he was being held. And Big Sister C is potty training and needs lots of monitoring and reminders to avoid accidents. And when I'm not looking, the dogs drink out of her little potty. SICK! And Big Sister C is also TWO. And she acts like it at inopportune moments throughout the day. Reid was a good boy today and was easy-going for the most part. It didn't help things that I was up with the boys from 4:00-5:45 this morning and then up with C at 7. So in reality, I got up at 4 and never really got good and back to sleep. There was no rest for the weary today. Thankfully, Daddy came home at lunch to check on us. He held Chase while I fixed lunch for me and C. He gave me a pep talk, a hug and some reassurance. I am thankful for his support.
I am thankful for my kids. I still can't believe I have 3! I just wish it wasn't so hard to care for them. It wouldn't be so hard, but I'm a perfectionist. Mom reminded me that me on a bad day is better than some folks on a good day. I just want to do a good job. I want everyone to have their needs met, and with three little ones depending on ME and only ME it is just hard. I wish I didn't get stressed or tired. I wish this was super-easy. But it isn't.
SO I made it through the day. R is home now and has given me a break. We had a non-healthy dinner. Just add it to the list of reasons I won't get the mom of the year award!
Here are a few pics of my little sweeties. C is a snow-bunny in our backyard a week ago. The pics of the boys were taken by me and sweet Lauren during an impromptu photo shoot last week. These are two that I didn't use on their birth announcement but are really cute anyway.
COMPLETELY valid in your feelings woman. what you are doing is a HARD, extremely TOUGH job! and i can't imagine two newborns with a 2 year old! (some might think 4 at one time is hard---and it is, but i totally see the difficulty of throwing different ages in the mix!)
ReplyDeletegirlfriend, mommy guilt will eat you up to PIECES! i am a perfectionist as well--always have been. everything i do, i want to be PERFECT, no mistakes. but i have learned that you will never spend as much time as you want with each of them individually. you will never feed them exactly what you think they should eat for every single meal. you will never have as many activities planned as you think you should, etc, etc. but they WILL be loved, and they WILL feel that love every day.
i am in the same place right now and about to do a post about it within the next week or so.
what an incredible responsibility we have as mothers---to raise these precious gifts to be compassionate, caring, and godly little people. sometimes i am completely overwhelmed and just stress myself out to the max.
throwing all of it back on God's shoulders b/c i will sink if i try to do this alone! love you so much. hang in there. c, you are doing an AMAZING job.
suz
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a great job! Even if there isn't a healthy dinner on the table, at least you fed them and they were satisfied. That's more than a lot of people get from their mother's.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better than Suz did. She's right; you are an AWESOME mother and as long as you love those babies and love their daddy, and give those worries to God (as hard as it may be), they are going to be great kiddos...they already are! You are such an example to them, and that is what they are going to emulate and remember...NOT the few times they had a not-so-healthy lunch, or that the floor wasn't swept every day.
ReplyDeleteAnd also remember what my mother says any time I'm having a day like yours..."This Too Shall Pass" and it will!
I know I'm not a mother, and certainly not a mother of twins and a 2 year-old at the same time, but do know I try to empathize and know it cannot be easy what you're doing right now.
And I also want you to know I never think you're complaining when you talk about the hard days. We all have hard days, whatever our circumstances. Right now, yours just happens to be with your kiddos. Right now, mine just happens to be my kids taking the TAKS test...lol.
I love you, sweet friend. And I'm still planning on coming there in May if you're still up for it. I will probably stay with Sami so things aren't so crowded at your casa! lol
Also, the boys' little gifts FINALLY came in after being back-ordered, so I am putting them in the mail this afternoon. YAY!
HUGS!!!!!!!